You’re Not Just A Busy Mom. You’re A Mom About To Burn The F Out
Is it possible to stress less as a parent? Maybe. Maybe not. What is possible is learning how to process the stress so it’s not building up and compounding in our body like high interest on a credit card.
Mothers are essentially humans doing and giving. Not, humans being.
The world demands much of us as not only women, but mothers.
As women we are taught how to take care of others first and put ourselves last. Did you know that there are not only wage gaps between genders but pleasure gaps? We are so used to sacrificing ourselves – our jobs- and our pleasure to make those around us happy.
This is not a coincidence either. As women we have been raised not to be emotional; silently carry the weight of your emotions and compact them down. To raise your voice and ask for help sounds like social suicide. That’s exactly how your brain perceives it.
In Emily and Amelia Nagoski’s book Burnout: The Secret To Unlocking Stress Cycles they identify this as Human Giver Syndrome:
“HSG – the contagious belief that you have a moral obligation to give every drop of your humanity in support of others, no matter the cost to you.”
It is no wonder why we feel deprived, depressed, devastated, resentful overwhelmed and exhausted on the brink of Burn Out.
Last year I wanted to teach vulva owning femme socialized people that they didn’t have to live a life of giving and people pleasing.
That this state of exhaustion and burnout was optional – that we as women were designed for pleasure. You see, we have a clitoris. This organ, like our other organs has a purpose. It’s one purpose is to feel pleasure. But I got ahead of myself.
We as women are so used to giving because we have been conditioned to do so that when I was saying your answers to stress are an orgasm your response was, even if I was in the mood, there is literally no time. (For the recored, it’s still an answer. There are just several other practices that we have to learn before we can utilize pleasure as our resource.)
The day to day stress of mothering, working and being there for others is accumulating in our bodies and there is literally no amount of green smoothies that can prevent it.
How do we solve for a problem that has been engrained in our culture that the solution lies in denying our feelings, reaching outside ourselves to feel better and that self care and preservation is selfish?
We start by learning how to process our thoughts followed by how to complete our stress cycles.
I want you to think of emotions like tunnels; in order to fully process them you have to be willing to go all the way through the tunnel. Otherwise these emotions, which are vibrations that go through our body while dripping chemicals in our system, don’t leave our systems and wreak havoc.
“Emotional exhaustion happens when we get stuck in an emotion and can’t move through the tunnel” Emily Nagoski
We know that women are not processing emotions because according to the World Health Organization, heart failure is the leading killer amongst women.
Rather than reaching outside ourselves for alcohol, food, anti depressants that only compound your stress further offering more negative side effects for a false sense of better, I want to teach you a NEW WAY.
You don’t need anything outside of yourself. YOU are the answer.
I see you, Renegade.
Get started. Schedule your mini session now.
With a holistic approach and a splash of science you will go from Exhausted 🔜 Even 🔜 Elated.
Sounds dreamy, almost impossible, I know.
Here’s the deal. Life has stressors, those things going on outside of you that you can’t control – to the thoughts about you that are not nice.
These stressors can cause us stress- a natural reaction that leaks not so good chemicals into our bodies- that we need to learn how to release. Or they build up and break us down.
Together we will identify the ones that are breaking you down and why. Maybe it’s a divorce. Maybe your kids aren’t excelling in their school. Maybe you want a promotion but don’t know how to ask for it.
I will show you WHAT you are experiencing in these moments. Think of a milk carton. Inside the carton is the milk which in this case is the contents of your brain- your thoughts. On the outside of the carton is the label describing what’s inside the carton. Low fat, organic 16 oz expiration.
I can see all that’s going on on the outside, unlike you because you are on the inside. Make sense?
When we are in our experience, we can’t see what we are creating for ourselves.
I will teach you how. I will also teach you a scientifically proven method to process your emotions so that you don’t get stuck in the tunnel.
That’s just the beginning. What you are going to learn will change the way you show up in the world.
Trust me, there is a version of you waiting to present herself and she’s just 12 weeks away.
Imagine it right now. In 12 weeks you wake up and the problems you have right now or no longer problems.
I know because I’ve done this work and I’m a changed woman.
As a single working mom, twice divorced and always an entrepreneur it seemed like a given that my life would always be stress to the max.
Though I didn’t have to deal with an ex the way a lot of my clients have (the father of my children passed away when they were 4 & 7 while my second husband left after our divorce and never spoke to me again. I had an affair. I believe if I had knew the thought model and a few other tools that I’ve learned as a coach, I never would have reached that point. I also believe that rock bottom led me to the tools and here we are.) I did deal with just about every other stressor along with emotional insecurity you can imagine.
Despite what it looked like from the outside, I wasn’t your ‘cool’ mom and I spent most of motherhood feeling like an outsider. The other moms seemed to know exactly what they were doing, while I felt bombarded by the daily ins and outs, overwhelmed that it would never end.
I approached parenting from a place of fear, driven by the need to protect my children. I wanted to be the parent I didn’t have. But as bad things would inevitably happened, I would take it personally as proof of my parenting failure. I thought: “Why does this keep happening?” and “This is so hard. I feel so alone- I can’t do this.”
“This” plus date, run a business, be a friend, present myself as having it together, train for marathons, manage our finances, save for my future AND get dinner on the table.
Once I discovered coaching, I worked to develop the critical skills necessary to separate my self-worth from my children’s life choices and the worlds opinion of me not only as a mother, but a woman.
I practiced holding the understanding that life is 50% good and 50% bad Meaning that I’m going watch my kids and personally experience feelings heartache, disappointment, rejection AND love, accomplishment and reward. That I’m here for both.
I worked to let go of my expectations that my children needed to be a certain way or do certain things for me to be happy. Instead, I’ve let them grow into who they are and worked on my judgments that I may have. That doesn’t mean they got to do whatever they wanted.
I discovered the real meaning of boundaries and starting enforcing rules from a place of neutrality creating a much more peaceful experience when those rules were broken.
And that is just with “The Model” that I’ve been trained to not only use on myself daily, but teach you how to use and apply to your life. It’s the greatest game changer of all time.
Coaching for Modern Renegades
- LEARN THOUGHT AWARENESS AND SELF-COACHING
What are your thoughts about you as a mother? Do you think being single excludes you from the ‘group’? Are you secretly counting the years until your kids turn 18 and leave the house. Do you worry that you’re a bad parent or friend? When something comes up with your kids, do you make it anything about you as a parent?
- EXPLORE AND REDEFINE BELIEF SYSTEMS
Where did you learn how to be a woman in the world? A mother? Have you spent time reflecting on the lessons you’ve learned and where they came from? The lessons you’re teaching your kids or associates? Do you worry what others will think if you don’t show up to all the events?
- MASTER YOUR EMOTIONS
Can you imagine not losing your shit, but instead keeping your cool when things around you seem out of your control? Do you let yourself grieve, get mad or cry? Do you breakdown in your car by yourself in between calls while proclaiming everything is fine – I’m FINE! or do you allow yourself to go through the emotional tunnel?
- TAKE ACTION
Do you believe it’s possible to create more time and space in your days? Say ‘no’ to the things you don’t want to do? Have rules and boundaries? Do you know what you would fill your time with?
Work With Me
Are you ready, Renegade?
Let’s make it happen. Contact me to schedule a mini session so we can start working together.
Have a question about my coaching process? Reach out.
you’re not a busy mom on the brink of burn out. you’re a woman living life her way.
Exhausted to Even to Elated
It would seem societies understanding of sex has changed…
As a parent, have you ever felt like you just don’t understand what your kids are talking about when it comes to their sexuality? We are here to help! Because even we don’t know all the things! And we are oh so curious…
Join me and my co-host, Resident Youth-Spaliner, Lauren Kamp as we take a weekly dive into finding out what our parents didn’t teach us but has always been happening that some how our kids know more about than we do. We know, it sounds backwards to us, too.
This podcast will help give you a modern update about human sexuality, gender sexual diversity, intimate justice, trauma healing, consent, and a lot of other terminology and facts that you probably don’t know.
Sharing my personal experiences as a mother
Ashley’s ability to cut through the noise and get to the root issue is amazing. She has a unique ability to see things a bit differently, in the best possible way. As someone who believes in self-work, I also see a therapist once a month. My therapist was very impressed by our work and commented about the depth Ashley got to in a short time. If you’re looking for someone real, raw, with no BS and who cares beyond words, Ashley is your coach!
Without judgment, Ashley was able to point out the ways in which I was holding myself back and directed me to change my mindset in a productive way. She had a genuine enthusiasm for my goals long before I felt comfortable sharing them with anyone else. That enthusiasm and support propelled me forward.
Ashley truly gets how intense the human experience is. Filled with love, connection, compassion, laughter and hard-learned facts, she was ready to help me look at several experiences without judgment, see what I had learned, how I had grown, and remind me what I know in my heart.
I am a professional designer and co-own two companies. Although I have been successful, I was vehemently aware of my shortcomings and feeling sort of lost. Ashley’s true gift is her way with people and her innate ability to help you work through and find your own special qualities that help you help yourself.
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