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Living an Erotic Life

Ep #56

Living an Erotic Life

2020 has humbled me beyond measure and ignited lots of self-reflection. If you’re like me, you’ve questioned your existence, your fear of death, and what it means to live. Maybe you’ve also questioned what it means to live erotically.

Desire isn’t just what drives us in the bedroom. It drives every aspect of our lives, and when we honor our desire and embrace our eroticism, we start loving harder. 

Listen in today to discover what it means to live an erotic life and why 2021 is your year to abandon the shame. This year, I invite you all to join me in feeling turned on by the simplest things in life and writing our own guidebooks. Let’s learn from 2020 and continue living our best Renegade lives. I don’t know about you, but that turns me on.

What You Will Discover:

  • What it means to live an erotic life.
  • Why desire isn’t just for the bedroom.
  • My invitation to you for 2021.

Resources Mentioned:

  • If you’re enjoying the tools and concepts I’m sharing each week about your brain on dating, you won’t want to miss out on working with me one-on-one. I’ve just launched my program, Wake Up Before Another Breakup, where in just 8 weeks, you wont question if you can trust yourself to date or why you cant find the one. Click here to learn more about it and how you can work with me.

Enjoy the Show?


As this year comes to its conclusion, I find myself reflecting upon its meaning- a definition I've been struggling to conjure since the day I woke after my 40th birthday.

Pre pandemic and post 40, I woke with this feeling, almost tangible and most certainly visceral, of death. I woke up thinking I've made the biggest mistake. At the time I thought it had to do with the actual move I had made the day prior combined with a severe hangover.

I was convinced this feeling of fear and death would evaporate away with my hangover.
How wrong I was.

After a few weeks of no drinking, my final boxes unpacked, and my life put away nicely in its cabinets and drawers I still felt this tremendous weight.


I’m not talking about the thoughts of fear around mine or those closest to me.

I’m talking about a feeling in the air. Have you ever felt this?

It lingered in the air the way unwanted smells do on a hot and humid day.

Then life started dishing out circumstances to the world as a whole, left and right that definitely had me contemplating my existence. The fragility of our lives. The preciousness of time and its limited capacity.

Looking back now, it came as no surprise that I started questioning my existence here.
But it felt like an interrogation at the time. Every day the questions would present themselves.

'what the fuck are you doing?
Not just today but with this life.
When this is all said and done, how will you look back on it?'
On you. The person you are.
What is your so-called legacy going to be?

For much of the year I analyzed who I was. How I thought. The ways in which I showed up.

2020 has forced all of us to deal with the meaning of death, both literally and figuratively, in incomprehensible ways.

But what started out as a fearful anxiety inducing year forced me to do a few things.
2020 forced me to reconcile a lot of my own bullshit and excuses that I’ve used to cope and get by with.
From my privilege of being a white woman born in the us at this time to my entitlement to thinking that we as a whole would never experience something like a pandemic or an airborne virus that would take an astronomical number of lives and effect so many more economically, emotionally and physically.

2020 pulled my head out of my ass. 2020 dealt me emotions that I struggled to process.
2020 has made clear to me what my nonnegotiable are.
2020 has taught me gratitude for the simplest things like my walks around the lake to the big ones like living through a pandemic.

2020 is a year none of us will forget. There will be many years in your lifetime that won’t come up when you tell your story, but I can guaranty 2020 will make the cut.

I’m choosing to look back at this year and take away the lessons learned. The challenges overcome. The not so gentle reminder that change is always happening, and uncertainty is always certain. I grew up a lot this year. Through the tears and exhaustion - the confusion anger and fear - the literal one day at time came out this simple understanding that this is life.

2020 gave me the direction to answer questions like, what the fuck am I doing here and just how do I want to live my life.

I thought I understood life is short after being dealt with the blows of death and grief before, but I never questioned my role in it. I thought I understood what it was like to go through the unexpected before but this last year showed me where I’ve been treading water vs pulled down by the current unable to see the direction of the surface.

I was humbled beyond measure. And I’m so grateful for this revelation. I can’t say I’m prepared for what could come next, but I know I can live through it.

I can say that understand appreciation for right now. This moment.

As we end this year and I take the final stretch ending this 40th year I know one thing.

I want to live an erotic life. One that I love hard. One that I know will challenge me to continue to love hard and turns me on.

I want to feel turned on by and alive with the most simplest things I do.
I want to feel consumed with inspiration when I write about the musings of our minds and creating the life we want. I want to feel the stimulation of our city lit up at night while walking around surrounded by strangers and passers-by. I want to feel the warmth of my coffee in my hand as I inhale its scent close to my face. I want to notice the light on my lover’s face in the early morning and feel my body crave his touch. I want to feel the cold air contrast with the sweat breaking on my neck when I run. I want to feel and embrace the looks on my children faces when we sit at our table talking about our lives yesterday, today and tomorrow. I want to feel the intimacy of a friend telling me what’s going on as if no one else exists. I want to love those close to me so hard that I think I will break if I lose them.

I don’t want to miss feeling these moments in time. I want to embody it all.
This is an erotic life to me. This is my anecdote to death waiting for me, be it patiently or otherwise.
Eroticism need not only lend itself to the bedrooms Renegades. Sure, it’s a sexual energy that creates the desire but there are 2 things you must remember; sexual energy is peak frequency meaning you are at your most creative inspired state of mind and desire is what drives us humans to do things. Our brains desire.

I’m going to tap this reservoir and use it to create the life I want. This combined with feminine energy Voila.

I’m going to live life to its fullest by finding the eroticism in all of it.

As I enter 2021, I plan on embracing this idea of living and erotic life and I’m going to birth it in front of all of you.

I love being a mother. I love having a lover. I really love making my money and having my own independence.

I think a lot of you think and feel the same you either just don’t know it yet or you’re afraid to admit it.

So here’s what’s going to happen this year. I’m going to talk about money. sex. motherhood. friendship. Having independence. Being in relationships. Building businesses. masturbating.
All of it.
You know recently I thought I fractured my arm, like I couldn’t move my wrist and I had this big bump on my forearm, and I couldn’t figure out how the hell or what the hell I’d done to cause this painful inconvenience. I went through my day and there were 2 events that could have caused it; either raking while volunteering for the trail foundation or from later in the day when I decided I needed to have some one-on-one time with my vibrator but was feeling lazy and just laid on it for 10 minutes. I think my arm may have been under me as well. I want to be able to talk about this.
Because A. It’s fucking hilarious that I might have fractured my arm from the laziest sex with myself ever and B. I’m not the only one who has had this happen. Surely, I’m not alone.

I often think of myself as an ordinary woman.

I’m not doing anything that each of you can’t, don’t or won’t.

But I am reminded, quite frequently by my friends that I am different than the average person because I talk about things that most won’t. I don’t know if this is true or not, but I believe that we are all thinking the same things. We as humans are very textbook.

So here we are. The last day of the year. You know what’s coming in 2021. Puns intended and not intended.

We are going to live life erotically, Renegades. We are going to create the lives we want without shame according to our rules. Not the ones that have been given to you by society.

You will write your own guidebook. The Renegades guide to living your best life. Until next week, my friends. Enjoy each moment.

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