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Modern Renegades with Ashley Kelsch | We Are All Humans

Ep #73

We Are All Human

I want to take a break from my usual topics of dating and coaching this week to share a couple of incidents I was involved in recently, and the impact they had on me.

Our society places a high value on wealth, influence, and celebrity status. A lot of people aim for this status in their lifetime, and at one time, I was after this too. But something happened to me recently and it made me realize that even if you are sitting at the top of the table, you are still human. Nobody is better than anybody else.

Listen in this week as I explore why no matter how famous we become, it is always possible to choose to remain humble. I’m sharing some stories of people who have inspired me with their treatment towards others, and why regardless of our status, we must remember that we are all human.

What You Will Discover:

  • Why it’s not good or bad to want to make lots of money.
  • How to not lose sight of someone fanning out.
  • Why being a celebrity doesn’t mean you are above other people.
  • How to relinquish control and embrace our feelings.
  • Why we get to choose what we think about.

Resources Mentioned:

  • If you’re enjoying the tools and concepts I’m sharing each week about your brain on dating, you won’t want to miss out on working with me one-on-one. I’ve just launched my program, Wake Up Before Another Breakup, where in just 8 weeks, you won’t question if you can trust yourself to date or why you can’t find the one. Click here to learn more about it and how you can work with me.
  • Billie Eilish: The World’s a Little Blurry – documentary

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Hey Renegades,

I wanted to take a little departure from my usual weekly talk about dating, the power of pussy and coaching and tell you about a couple of incidents I was involved in and the impact it had on me. And I think it’s worth sticking around and listening to because I know I’m not the only one who has had this happen to them.

You know, we live in a world now where being wealthy is commonplace. Being an influencer famous and recognized even more commonplace. And I know our society places a high value on these things. To get yourself invited to those tables with those people is what people are aiming for in this lifetime. And look, I get it. There was a time where I was after this stature while building teddies for Bettys.

Making it known on a national level and growing our presence was a top priority. And I don’t think it’s good or bad if you want to make a shit ton of money and want the world to know you, but I do think this; I think you should consider that even if you are sitting at the head of that table, that it stands to argue you are still human. That you aren’t actually better than anyone else.

A few years ago I came across this podcast and after listening to them for some time, I felt like I had found my guru. What this person teaches, the concepts, interviews and how they’ve worked them into their life and work resonated with me. They actually offer programs and teachings that I’ve invested in despite already having invested money in similar work before them. It’s one of those things that when I hear them talk about or teach life /work tools and concepts it just hits differently.

The work changed my life.

I always had this feeling I would one day run into them or meet the. And guess what I did.

I started seeing them on the trail, Renegades. Not gonna lie, each time I did my body and mind freaked the fuck out a little. I was super excited just passing them.
Well one day, faith and I were out with the Frenchie’s and they were walking our way. I wasn’t going to say anything but then I saw them glance at the babies and smile and they kind of looked at me- you know, enough eye contact for me to think I could say thank you for all the work you’ve done- but I totally fanned out.

It was a lot for me. I won’t lie. I said hiii, your followed by their name and they said yah, that’s me. And I said, I just want to thank you. Your work has been a life changer for me and I’m a member of some of your group work. They said, that’s great, what’s your name? I told them and they said nice to meet you and then I finished it off with saying, you’re a fucking icon.

Renegades. I was shaking. I looked at faith and was oh my god, was I so over the top? I feel like a crazy person. Faith assured me it wasn’t over the top, but yes excited. Then I got really nervous about looping around the trail and seeing them again. I was having a freak moment.

Anyway, I got home and almost talked about it on my stories and then thought no but I did call my bestie Laurel and share with her what a spaz I must have seemed like.

Well, a couple of weeks later I was tuning into their podcast and they were talking about the awkwardness of talking in front of people and getting nervous in group settings and then the host of the podcast starts talking about this incident on the trail that had recently happened. And as soon as they started talking, I knew it was about me. Without a doubt.

I suddenly felt so embarrassed, like everyone knew it was me and honestly, they didn’t have the kindest vibe about it. How its awkward and they go on to say it’s awkward for both people but says something about how strangers will stop them and thank them for changing their lives and the host says, like what am I supposed to say? That’s great! I’m so glad you changed this and that and you do this and you don’t want to commit suicide.

There was some other stuff in there but I just stood there. In total disbelief.

The coaching work I teach, that some of the concepts are from this podcast revolves around having the choice to think what we think. And so with that in mind, I tried really fucking hard to change what I thought and how I felt about what I had heard but that was not happening. It did not sit well with me.

I couldn’t let go of how they kitchen sinked committing suicide and the way she said it. Their tone about people thanking them and it being so awkward for them. Like, can’t it just be I’m so happy to hear that and Thank you.

Clearly, I’ve held this person in high enough regard to think they wouldn’t respond publicly to their audience this way.

Anyway, I was trying to convince myself that it’s okay but then I found myself thinking, things like, who do they think they are? I can’t imagine Tony Robbins or Michelle Obama taking this approach of talking shit about people publicly after they come up and thank them. Pretending to be interested and nice and then boom.

My brain didn’t let up either. My high self hopped in the back seat and my ego was like yah, by the way, do they even know who you are? You’ve been here for over a decade and I bet if you put up pictures of both of you more people in Austin would know you then them (Which is fucking ridiculous but I can’t help but share my brains bs no matter how absurd) And they would be way more recognized than me, for the record.)

I thought a lot about when I had teddies for Bettys and more recently of being in public for example on the trail picking up trash and people will call out, are you teddies for Bettys or hey renegade, is that you? Strangers. And they come up and we talk. I’ve had people for years come up to me and tell me how my store changed their life and I will admit, being introverted I get a little nervous but more than anything wow. Thank you.

So anyway, my brain was trying to untangle this thing for a couple of weeks when the next 2 events occurred. In this order.

First, I recorded an episode where I was talking about someone’s dating life and referring to others involved and made a comment about something that commonly happens when I was referring to this situation. I’m being vague for a reason here so bear with me.

Well guess what, one of the people involved in the story that I was referring to heard, knew it was about them and felt humiliated. And they were really upset.

My knee jerk reaction was wait, this is the other persons experience and its true for them. And then I paused. Observe your reaction. Choose your response. I knew exactly how this other person felt regardless of the other person having their experience. I knew exactly what it was like to hear someone else share an experience about you at random and hear it. I also knew what it was like to have a comment, that was not specifically being directed at me but was thrown into the story being told or referenced and how she felt.

I got this person’s contact information and called her. We had a long conversation where I apologized. I told her that wasn’t my intent- and that this experience has given me pause on how to handle my work going forward. To be more mindful that one person’s experience is there and feels right and true while the other person involved is experiencing from their side which feels equally right and true.

After that happened, I questioned if I would have made that call had I not been on the receiving end and I know I would have. I spent many years calling customers who had a negative experience at teddies for Bettys and apologizing. But I’ll admit, having had the same experience of hearing someone tell their side of a story about me and hearing it broadcasted informed me more on the emotional side of how she felt violated.

Another week goes by and I’m still processing it and I see them on the trail again. But now I have zero feelings towards them. At this point I’m not mad. I’m not hurt, but I don’t feel anything.

I keep thinking I want to get to a place where I’m excited to see them. Like, there goes my guru!

And then this happened. One night faith and I decided to watch the Billie Eilish documentary. It’s shot using iPhones as well as I’m sure, someone professionally but you get a real home video feel. The time period they were filming was the same time they were writing and recording songs for the When we all fall asleep where do we go which was her second album. She was already known but this album skyrocketed her to the moon. Anyway, Justin Bieber comes up during an interview and she talks about how when she was 13 or so that she was so in love with him and couldn’t imagine having a boyfriend because she wouldn’t be able to love him the way she did Justin. And there are videos of her at 13, talking into her iPhone saying all of this. It’s fucking precious and you get just how enamored she was is with him.

Later on in the documentary they drop one of the songs they’d been recording as a single and Justin Bieber slides into her dm’s and says I want to work with you. Let’s record a song together.

And she is dying. She responded to him and said, “you could literally hop on the song and just say poop.”

And I have no idea how much later, but she was at Coachella and went to listen to a band and when she walked into the artists area he was standing there.

Y’all. She couldn’t move. She just stood there, then turned around and then back again.

And here’s the thing. He didn’t move but waited.

After a few minutes she walks up to him and he puts his arms out and she goes in for a hug and he holds her while she cries in his arms. He just holds her. The Beibs. This super fucking famous guy who is maybe a decade older than her, who has been where she is and understands. An incredibly successful person who hasn’t lost sight of someone admiring him and fanning out. Beyond emotional control.

He holds her for a solid 5 minutes and just strokes her hair. It’s so moving. If this doesn’t make you cry something is wrong with you. kidding. Kind of.

After she’s in the car with her family talking about how she knows everything about him. And then he messages her, praising her for all that she’s doing and she can’t believe it and her brother said, Billie. This is how you are with your fans too. This is what you do for all of them.

And she makes it clear throughout the documentary of course the fans are first. Without them, I wouldn’t be here.

I may be exaggerating but there is the death of ego happening between the artist and fan relationship here.

The power and influence they have with their fans is not lost on them and yet they remain humble.

And I found it timely.

I thought, we should all be like Billie and Beibs. And remember what it’s like to be human. That at the end of the day, we are all just people doing our thing and no one’s thing is better than the other.

I also thought, I’m not going to try and convince myself to like what this person did and how they talked about the interaction we had. I don’t like it. And I get to choose that thought. And it feels very honest to who I am and how I want to be in this world.

I want to be open, gracious and excited when someone stops me and says my messages have changed the way they think. I want to remain humble and human. Like Ram Dass says, we are all just walking each other home.

Once I relinquished control on trying to feel another way about the situation, I let it go. Literally let it go. Which is how I am even able to write it about. This is my crux each week… I’m not able to record and write about some of these things until I work it all out. I don’t begrudge them and I admire their work. I continue to tune in each week to listen and learn. The interaction for me shifted my perspective and if anything ultimately it humanized them. Which is the point right? That we are all human.

And you know what else? I went back and re listened to the conversation. I will admit, now that I’m not in it, I do hear it differently. Which is incredibly fascinating to me and another gift of a lesson. How my perspective and experience from that lens of embarrassed sent my brain into filtering the conversation and only picking up the fragments that shaped a defensive guarded interpretation of it. If only we could all go back and listen to these conversations that shape our beliefs about what happened and when. Can you imagine? Regardless it’s been an exercise in thought work and a reminder to remain humble. Until next week.

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