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Ep #9

Your Brain on Dating Part 2

Ohhhh, am i looking forward to todays podcast! your brain on dating part 2! and listen up, if you haven’t downloaded and indulged yourself with part 1, please excuse yourself. You need to listen to it otherwise this won’t make a ton of sense to you- part 1 is where i get technical and apply science and educate you on just how THE brain works. the cliff notes sounds like this

some of us are out here dating and operating from our primal/survival brain and repeating the same patterns and behaviors due to a mass of nuclei located in your brain called the basal ganglia. What this means is that we are dating like our lives depend on it and because our brains are uber efficient, we won’t get out of the loop but instead keep picking and dating the same type of person over and over because of how it ends up making us feel. Is it happening Subconsciously? yes- that is until now. now we are looking at our thoughts and behaviors- evaluating who and what we keep choosing. how WE show up- all with compassion Renegades. We are not here to judge ourselves for any of it.

When we access our modern brain and become AWARE of our thoughts and actions we can go from thoughts like, why does this keep happening to me and how am i here again to I chose this. Think pretty woman, I say Who, I say when, I say who…. you will have authority over what is happening. slowly, you will be able to reprogram or rewire you brain through a process called Neuroplasticity. this might be the best news ever.

can we give our brains a round of applause please- what a smart. sexy. mother fucker. We CAN change.

So now that we know all of this, it’s time to reveal another truth about our brains and humans – we are hardwired to want connection. Which is interesting if you think about it, your primal brain is wired to keep you safe. to survive. to look for threats. and then you have this other piece that is wired to want connection, relationships, to be accepted. Talk about a tug a war.

Which explains THIS. now listen closely.

This need for connection is so much so that we are willing to give up our short term self care because our primal brain sees rejection, humiliation what have you as DYING and we must survive . man,

the more I learn about our brains and how we are wired as humans the more the more I’m realizing that dating without awareness is grounds for disaster.

we are so worried about not finding the one and being alone that we start compromising ourselves and what we want from basically the first conversation. AND WE DON’T EVEN KNOW WE ARE DOING IT. this is a problem!

I cannot tell you how many times i’ve heard a woman tell me about a guy she’s dating and how great it is and how excited she is and the sex is the best she’s ever had … and you know, he doesn’t want kids, but maybe he will change his mind maybe I don’t even want kids…

I’m sorry. what? if you want kids, why are you dating someone who doesn’t? AND PS- not this podcast, but another one is 100% going to focus on the fact that we cannot go for the one because he’s good in bed. Renegades, we do not make any life decisions when we are dickmatized. It’s against ALL the rules in my Intuitive Fucking program.

The other problem is this. our belief systems. IF you can even call them yours -need updating.

think of like it like your iphone . you know how you need to do a software update every few months, well, your brain needs this sort of attention to its software as well and, in this case it’s your belief systems. instead of iOS we need that iBS.

we are running off old recycled belief systems that we are unaware of. Your belief systems start forming before birth- there are crazy studies that show our ancestors traumas emotions etc are passed through DNA.

You are preset with a behavioral blueprint or map before you are born – what you will be triggered by what you will long for – your sense of worth.

and then, depending on the environment and family you were born into, loving, attached or aggressive and uncaring, your brain hardwires superhighways in your brain and maps out how you will show up AND respond to people in your relationships before they happen!!!

All before you are able to walk and talk.

it’s been engrained subconsciously.

Then add to it all the years of outside information from the church, schools, friends, social media, pop culture- you’ve been initiated with information so much so that you haven’t ever needed to consider anything for yourself.

You are pre conditioned to show up and respond to relationships a particular way and you don’t even know it.

Carl Jung says

Until you allow the unconscious to become conscious, it will rise up to you as your life and you will call it your fate.

most of us have never considered our belief settings and where they come from…

setting boundaries or priorities for ourselves.

I’ll tell you some i’ve told my daughter:

-make your own money and always be able to support yourself.

-don’t wait around for a guy all day.

-always keep your girlfriends close- especially when dating.

It’s safe to say that Faith will unknowingly take my beliefs, combined with all the other information she will be consuming over the years and apply it to her dating life and assume, that since this information is in her brain and she’s thinking it- that its true. she may not even remember that it came from her mother unless someone asks, who told you you should make your own money, not wait around for a guy all day and keep your girlfriends close?

think of all the behaviors and actions you’ve witnessed in addition to what you’ve been told.

it’s highly probable that the lessons i’ve taught faith may have contradicted with who i was being in relationships at times. (which would make sense why i made it a point to ‘teach’ her the lessons in the first place. don’t make my same mistakes’)

now you have conflicting beliefs and don’t realize the state of cognitive dissonance that you are constantly operating from when you’re dating. this is one teeny tiny example of where a few beliefs that you may have floating around about your priorities and boundaries may not be yours, but nonetheless, you go along with.

But like I mentioned, your brain can rewire itself through the process of neuroplasticity IF you are willing to do the work. accessing your modern brain, you can see what behaviors you are storing. it takes being really honest with yourself. seeing you but not judging you. looking at what triggers you, watching your thoughts and emotional behaviors and being curious about them.

Something that i have found that I thought i was grossly over reacting to was being woken by my partner in the middle of the night. i didn’t want to date men who were night owls. they had to be in bed at normal sleeping hours. if i got woken up because they came in late or were playing video games or instagramming on the couch at 2am I would straight up lose my shit.

it was almost an out of body experience you guys. i would be shaking and yelling and sobbing. the next day i’d be a little embarrassed but it didn’t register until THIS year that it has everything to with my childhood and growing up with a parent that would go and not come home until the latest of hours. sometimes they would bring people home and they’d all be drunk listening to music and I would beg them to turn it down. id feel immense relief that they were home, but then agitated and angry about the noise.

This is where my body and mind go at 2 am when someone gets up to use the restroom. You’re all thinking, no wonder you live alone… who’d want that psycho shit rolling at you in the middle of the night.

I asked myself the same thing. and then started doing thought work around it. When i experience this reaction, i now respond differently. I allow my body to go through the trauma, actively accept the vibration while separating the thoughts. i remind myself that i’m safe and this situation is not the one i’m processing. i hold a massive amount of grace for myself. I have the conversation after my body has calmed down and look at the situation from a neutral space.

i am able to laugh at myself a little too. i’m not holding it against me. and i’m working on RE training my brain to not default there, but instead evolve it.

This is what I’m talking about- this belief that i’ve been carrying that everyone has to be in bed before 10 so I can feel safe was 100% hardwired without me ever consciously knowing it and i’ve been REACTING not responding to everyone around me from a state of emotional chaos and control.

Take a moment to explore within yourself some belief systems that you have? Can you identify any? Do you think you could begin to identify ones that you haven’t really been aware of?

Where did the come from?

Another great question I like to explore is; What are some lessons your parents taught you?

Now consider asking your modern brain some questions and decide for yourself, what you want your belief system to look like.

We want to do this from a clear head space, my friends. not a grudgeful, resentful angry bitter i’m so tired of this bs but one of abundance and love. again. think grace. compassion.

Start by asking yourself if you can believe the opposite of what you were taught? Why or why not.

do you believe that marriage is a must? why?

are you okay with having multiple sex partners why or why not?

is staying home with kids something women should do? is it better to have a separate checking account.

Would you love to be married but not live in the same house?

Once you do this, decide which beliefs you want to keep and which ones you are removing.

Create your belief system for you. Deeply explore some of your emotional pre programming. Watch how you show up in relationships; how do you respond to conflict. being woken up at night… when you feel wronged?

can you witness you and your experience without blaming the other person or involving them momentarily? just watch you? you can learn a lot about yourself if you can become your own witness.

Take your time with this work and allow patience. you can’t change a lifetime of beliefs and behaviors overnight… start practicing thinking your new beliefs every day- 10x a day if possible. Your brain will start to catch on.

Once you hone in on your belief system, you will have the groundwork to set yourself up for success. you can use this information to set your boundaries and priorities in place. and get grounded in them. This process will change the way you date.

There a few reasons for this.

1. If you are clear with what YOU are okay with and not okay with, and honor what is important to you, say with how you spend your time, with who, lifestyle choices wanting babies and marriage, etc then you will spend less time compromising yourself and in a state of confusion.

2nd. this gives your modern brain something to focus on. There is structure and supervision when you tell your brain to go to work for you. And it will. So why not put it to work while you’re dating? right? It doesn’t matter if we are talking casual dating or dating to find your soul mate. knowing your priorities and boundaries will eliminate a lot of noise that gets created in our minds.

If something with someone doesn’t line up, we will be able to mange our minds/thoughts and come back to center. we will rest assured we are choosing our higher self.

3. there is no greater form of self care / love than this. You looking out for you. NO ONE will do it for you. I can’t stress this enough. When you take the time to discover your personal priorities and boundaries and start to honor them, you will begin to discover what it’s like to trust yourself.

you won’t be asking yourself, how did i just spend everyday of the last 6 months with this guy, paying for all our food and drinks, letting him sleep at my place.

listening to him complain about not having a job. while i should have been focusing on my job.

You won’t wonder why you spent all those hours texting them instead of paying attention to your kids football game or daughters dance rehearsal or your job?

and believe it or not, you wont’ be defined by this persons behavior. you won’t make How they show up or don’t show up mean anything ABOUT you. it will become less personal.

If you honor your priorities and boundaries, You will be so straight on what you’re looking for that you won’t compromise yourself. If you do choose to pay for someone while they crash at your place you won’t beat yourself up about it. You will make the decision ahead of time and own it.

You will have made the choice from a clear headspace and not one from an emotional place.

You will start making mindful decisions and be accountable for your choices. this is not to say, that you will suddenly be happier when dating or that you won’t experience hearthache. That is not what i’m offering here. The human experience is 50 % good and 50% bad. obviously, dating and relationships are not the exception. what i am offering is a way for you to approach dating and your relationships from a space that is deliberate and on purpose, rather than reacting from an emotional state when you feel you’ve been wronged or triggered.

You will be able to come back to YOU and remind yourself that you are honoring yourself above all else. doesn’t that sound, empowering?

so lets talk Priorities.-

the actual definition for priorities is ‘a condition of being more important than other things.’

have you considered what’s more important than having someone in your life?

Then meeting the one?

I’m going to go out on a limb and say no mainly due to the fact that social conditioning has told us finding the one and living happily ever after is the meaning of life. Its like the heart beat of our cultures belief system.

It’s only been in the last 5-10 years, I don’t even think that long honestly, that the media and pop culture has caught on and started promoting that being single isn’t the end of the world. that women may not want to have kids and thats okay! that marriage doesn’t make you whole. However, it’s embedded in the fabric our society and programmed into our brains that are already wired for connection. It’s a triple whammy!

it only makes sense that we put finding the one before anything else!

The people around you who didn’t choose that life have been seen as the outsiders. The ones who pursued their passions and then perhaps found a partner later in life -the outcasts. men who only want to work and travel -selfish bachelors… career women without husbands and children – how unorthodox!

I’m going to say that these individuals valued their priorities and selves above anything else. I used to think they were crazy. that these people were not doing it right– but now i see that i was basically brainwashed to think that you had to find a partner and the one to find happiness.

Now i see the flip side.

After my 2nd divorce at 33 I found myself thinking, holy shit… i married twice basically for my kids and to have the family unit.

I started to question if i was even into the concept of marriage.

it was something i did because i had kids and its all i was ever told.

having a life partner or domestic partner and not getting married was living in sin… and if you were to bring kids into all of that? Well you may as well have set my house on fire. my family saw me burning in hell.

and even though i realized this in my mid 30’s -i didn’t too think much more about it. the thought came and went.

the engrained thought stuck. keep dating. find the one. it’s what you do. that is success… my actions were 100% all about finding my soulmate.

it was a fact my brain believed to be true. and it was top priority.

my kids came 2nd at times.

i was often an emotional wreck.

work definitely came 2nd.

after spending time with someone for a few months or more and it not working out, I’d be angry at them and myself. i’d blame them for wasting my time. stringing me along. fucking with my emotions. put out for this person wanting me to work at their office with them… and distracting me from what I should be doing… the truth is, I made the choices I made- even if subconsciously… but no one made me do anything. hashtag. i chose this life.

i was upset with myself. i knew i should have been in my office taking care of my responsibilities. that being there for my kids was more important than the drama.

my priorities were not clear, known or considered. When i say considered, i mean by me. but that s the irony, we are out here dating expecting others to consider our needs and we don’t even know them. and we lose our shit over these people wasting our time, but we are doing it to ourselves!

i’d compromise myself over and over – It never even occurred to me that this wasn’t dating.

If you listen to me now, you’d never know that I thought about relationships this way. Now I sound like an uncompromising bitch, but nothing could be further from the truth. I’m not willing to give up what’s important to me. And the people in my life know that and are okay with it! and if they are not, that’s okay.

there are 7 billion people in the world. trust me when i tell you, for every dude that thinks your a bitch because you tell him you’re done making plans because he cancels them and you value your time, there are 5 more out there that will think, damn. this woman is an anomaly aka MODERN RENEGADE.

My priorities are me, my family, my friendships , my work and my workouts. (the me portion includes my boundaries which we will get to)

When i make plans, I consider these things above all else… I’ll hang out with my kids before anyone. Friday night watching movies with my daughter or going to the gym are by far my favorite activities. i’m not going to ditch my girlfriends to hang out with some guy…

i’m not going to wait around all day to hear from someone.

I’m not going to wait for someone to send me flowers. I won’t meet you INSTEAD of going on a run around town lake. the feeling i get from a run is something NO ONE can make me feel. not even sexually- and for any of you thinking, you must not be having good sex, i will tell you something- I have had mostly only great sex. But my runners high. That’s the cloud i’m talking about walking on.

I’m clear on this. I’m not going to date someone who is looking for something serious; i have a family it includes my 2 kids, my ex boyfriend who is my life partner and our two puppies. I’m not interested in creating a family unit with anyone else at this time, or quite possibly ever.

i won’t hang out with you if it gets in the way of me working. i was just joking on my instagram that if a dude is bothering you during your work day, tell him he’s gonna have to send you alimony to steal your time away from your work. that will shut a mother fucker up.

i have let others come in front of my top 5 more times than id like to admit, and for what? so much mental and emotional energy and time gone. where are they now? i’m not saying it was all for not or that i didn’t value those experience’s BUT i will 100% say nothing is more important to me than the above. so you either fall in with it or you don’t. it’s that simple. You can’t get your time back. how you choose to spend it is on you. I’m personally choosing to spend my time with meaningful people having meaningful experiences.

What are your top 5 priorities? Why are these things important to you? List them out.

is it your time? is it being with your kids? building a business? working out?

is meeting someone THE most important thing?

are you looking to have a family?

climbing the corporate ladder

traveling the world

get clear on what your priorities are and talk about them openly.

If you are looking for casual sex and your potential date says they are looking for a life partner you can say, I’m so glad you told me that! I’m not looking for a life partner, just a casual lover. I think it would be best for both of us if we didn’t go any further. You’ve just saved you both so much time and energy that you can use and direct toward people who are aligned with the same intention.

If you’re looking for a husband and kids let the world know.

Instead of sitting around waiting for the other person to tell you what they want from you, you can openly tell them what you are looking for and be part of the process and not a bystander in your dating life.

Take control. If you are clear about things that are important to you, you can approach any situation honestly.

And don’t forget, you brain is going to resist being this honest because our primal brain fears that rejection. It quite simply starts sending off alarms NOOOOO it’s not that big of a deal if he doesn’t want kids. He’ll probably change his mind. Stop talking about kids and play it cool.

Are you currently dating with your priorities in mind? Think about the last person you dated. what did you put before this person? what did you choose to let slide? what did you want to lose your fucking mind over? what made you feel crazy?

I want you to think about this for a moment, because this is where we start to discuss boundaries. Have you guys heard of those? pesky little boundaries. what the hell… is it me or has anyone else noticed that no one ever mentions boundaries or priorities to you in school or life until they’ve been crazy crossed.

are you guys thinking what I’m thinking ?

should i start a school already? one that teaches us that our brains are wired to be bat shit crazy but we can learn to manage them and with these tools AND teach our youth how the human brain is wired but we can rewire it with skills and life hacks that will change your life for the better?!

anyway, boundaries.

This is why I have me listed as one of my Top Priorities. because boundaries. the invisible lines that protect me and my emotional well being. think of setting boundaries as a way to practice self care and self-responsibility. Not only are they extremely empowering, but I’ve decided that they are better than orgasms.

the longterm benefits you get from

honoring your boundaries is how you learn to trust yourself. and that my friends, is the kind of pleasure we are talking about.

i’m here to tell you, if you are not used to using your voice and having boundaries it will feel incredibly uncomfortable. Chances are you have not been taught to self advocate, that was probably considered talking back… you will feel like you are in the wrong. or maybe you will feel like you are going to hurt someone else’s feelings.

these are all normal thoughts when you first start considering boundaries and honoring them.

how can you discover what your boundaries are? similar process to exploring your belief system…

Start by asking;

When you are feeling triggered or charged by someone, instead of focusing on them and what they are doing, ask yourself,

why is this bothering me?

why am i choosing to let their behavior affect me this way?

what is this situation showing me, about me, that I need to know?

This is an opportunity for you to learn something about yourself- not change the other persons behavior but how you respond to it.

Are you hoping they are going to change? and if they do, what will you make that mean?

If someone is doing something you don’t like and you keep showing up for it, I want you to consider this is an engrained behavior that you may not realize you’re reacting to. take a deeper look –

why are you unwilling to remove yourself from the situation?

I was thinking about this guy that i was with friends for awhile during my early 30’s, he was in his early 40’s. successful. i’d say semi wealthy ambitious what have you. A LOT of girls would consider him a major catch. they did and they do. the first few years, i’d hear his dating stories, about how these girls would go crazy. stay up all night in his lobby waiting for him to come down and catch him with another woman. or use a key an go into his apartment… or find out where he was hanging out via Facebook and stalk him in real life. make out with him without his permission.

At first i was like, dude. how do attract all these crazy bitches? like, how does this keep happening to you?

This was one of those rare occurrences in life where the universe shared with me the other side of the story. i had an opportunity over time to meet women who dated him! The flip side made it make all the sense.

i figured it out.- he was making them fucking crazy. and they were letting him.

he would tell these women that they were his top priority, give them a key to his place, offer them a garage opener…. post pictures with them on social media all in like the first 3 weeks and, THEN, he’d drop off the face of the earth. well, sort of. these women had no fucking idea what was happening. why? how?

so in an attempt to talk to him and get answers they’d wait it out in his lobby or meet him at one of his social spots… and he’d be with someone new. insert girls going crazy.

The reason i thought about it was several of the women would go back to him and the relationship. It seems crazy, right? This is what i’m talking about with belief systems combined with not having or honoring your boundaries.

It actually makes sense when we consider again how our brains are wired. if you are used to feeling rejected your brain will program the familiarity and send you straight to the source to re live rejection. the feeling of lonliness. of not being wanted. Like I said in Your bRain on dating part 1…

Any habit or behavior that you have that has an intense emotion associated with it will be harder to change. And it will not matter if it’s a positive or negative emotion. your basal ganglia sends the message, we know this feeling. its comfortable. go here. rinse. repeat

I already mentioned my hardwired behavioral settings from living with a parent who didn’t want to come home from drinking and being out so I’ll share with you how that continued to show up in my dating life and relationships

I found that I was dating men who’d drink and not come home when they’d say or would drive after being out. i’d sit and freak the fuck out. until whatever hour they’d get home… I HAD NO IDEA that this was me repeating waiting up for my parent to come home. wondering if they were okay. were they going to bring people home. what was going to happen. would i be able to wake up. why won’t they come home and be with me. why would they rather be out than with me? why is drinking more important…

my brain has a super highway carved out and is HARDWIRED to seek this feeling out.

Did I know that. fuck no…

I kept choosing environments and settings with people that were on some levels, unhealthy, for me. did they work hard? yes. great fathers? yes.

I’d unknowingly compromise myself.

after sometime, i realized how uncomfortable i was in my own skin with drinking.

we will call this a glimmer or sliver of awareness.

I decided to give up drinking. and i knew I did not want to be with someone who had to drink but I thought that I could still be with someone who did drink a little.

I’d be VERY honest about this when meeting people. I don’t drink, but i don’t care if you do.

I’d receive responses like; Oh you don’t drink? I’d love to drink less and hang out with someone who doesn’t drink. it’s not that big of a deal to me. alcohol doesn’t mean anything to me…

but then when we were together or out, i’d notice how quickly they’d order a drink, and order another while they were drinking it and end up drunk.

the core of my system, think of it like an energetic coil running through my body vertically would start to vibrate.

I could literally feel myself shaking and my voice saying this isn’t okay to you.

but my primal brain, i swear to god , was like, what? no they’re not drunk. don’t make it such a big deal. you’re over reacting. it’s hot out. they need to hydrate.

he’s so into you and he’ll probably drink less as time goes on.

and I would stick around for it. basically me just gas lighting myself. Renegades.

I was forsaking my boundaries, my feelings of safety and comfort so someone else would continue to like me. I chose to over look what was obvious – in hopes to have a relationship with this person.

This didn’t go on very long.

Because here’s the thing: after telling myself that I didn’t want to be with a drinker i started showing up differently. I started being more clear with people in letting them know that drinking wasn’t important to me. I found that I when I was out, that I end up talking to people who also didn’t drink- it seemed random, the universe giving me gifts, but it was really my mindset was shifting and so was I.

I watched as my friends and the men I chose to date started to align more with what I was looking for. I would state my boundary and they would honor it.

and if they didn’t, i’d honor me and remove myself from the situation. I can’t remember the last time I had to remove myself tho.

What’s been equally incredible is crashing down the belief system that i had built up over the years that drinking and partying was more important THAN me.

The thought, you’d rather party and be out drinking than home with me, is not even a thought that would occur to me now, let alone be believable.

AND I don’t take other peoples lifestyles or choices personal. I know it has nothing to do with me.

When I set boundaries now, it’s out of a place of love for everyone involved. Whether it’s about my time, my emotional well being, personal space, it’s done from a place of love.

I simply make a request followed with a consequence… this isn’t an ultimatum. you are not manipulating the other person.

You are not setting your boundaries when you are upset or reactive to a situation either.

I recently practiced this with a family member who has some strong opinions about me and how I parent; i told them i was more than happy to communicate with them on the phone, but not if they were going to yell at me.

they said, then we won’t be talking.

i said, okay.

i made a request and gave them the option to still do what they want. i didn’t say you can’t yell at me. i didn’t say if you yell i’m going to yell and hang up. it was really quite simple; i’ll talk, but not if you’re going to yell. i’m not saying you can’t be you and yell at me. i’m saying, i’’m not going to be yelled and if that ’s the only way you want to communicate, than no.

I love you , but no.

my kids know that i’m very protective of our home space. my family knows that i like having my own space. they don’t take it personal when i’m in my room… they know to ask me before inviting people into our space and they know not to invite disruptive people.

I made the request and stated the consequence. we are all on the same page.

with my kids, i’ve been practicing letting them come up with the consequence. An example of this actually just happened…

Nick had gone out one night without taking the trash and recycle out setting us back a week… i said, okay. next week if you go out and forget, how would you like me to handle it?

He said, um, you should make me stay home and not let me go out with my friends.

i said are you sure. he said yes. I said cool

one week later he forgot. we were on the phone when he was telling me about his plans for the evening and I said, hey- did you remember to put the trash out last night?

the silence was deafening. the sigh of disappointment. I said, okay, well you know what that means.

and he said yes.

It was so unemotional for me. as opposed to the years where i’ve lost my fucking mind cause he’s not doing the two things i ask, and making it mean i’ve raised lazy kids and i’m a terrible mom.

oops, i’ve gotten way off the dating train.

all that is to say, boundaries are EVERY WHERE. you have unspoken ones in place now that you don’t even realize…

and you assume everyone you meet knows not to cross them. I’m here to tell you- no one knows your boundaries unless you know them, honor them and state them when necessary.

for example, i have a friend that doesn’t hug. i know not to hug her. she lets people know, don’t touch me. it’s not personal, but she isn’t interested in contact. if you go to hug her, she will very nicely decline. Which she never has to because she’s makes it known with her body language and words.

Think about the ways in which you can take care of yourself when it comes to dating. What sort of boundaries can you set to bring ease, care and comfort to the process?

maybe it’s not being intimate until you are monogamous.

perhaps you don’t want someone meeting your kids until you know that the relationship is serious.

maybe it’s being forthright and sharing ahead of time that you are not looking for anything serious and that your alone time is important to you, but the casual hang would be nice

If you are solid with your boundaries, you can set yourself up ahead of time to honor them. not find yourself in bed with someone you just met thinking, oh my god, i don’t do one night stands, what does he think of me, what do I think of me… you will honor yourself. you can stayed centered.

What’s also incredible about boundaries, is that you really don’t owe anyone an explanation.

They are yours and for you. to serve you – your highest self. not have to make anyone else happy but you. and the same goes for other people around us.

they get to choose how they want to live. It’s our job to accept other peoples priorities and boundaries as much as we expect them to accept ours.

and their is even more good news – for some of those deeper seated hardwired emotions that we are reliving without proper boundaries, it’s not too late. you can set healthy boundaries for yourself from a place of love. you can rewire your belief system!

Start doing the work. become mindful of your thoughts, patterns and behaviors. ask yourself if they are serving you. if not, decide on purpose how you can honor yourself.

Renegades, if you are struggling with this, I want to invite you to book a power hour session with me. I don’t dwell on my past, but if there is one thought that I’ve had this past year it’s that I wish I’d had these tools and a life coach 10 years ago. The way my mind manages dating, parenting, building a business is 180 degree difference than it was.

And it starts with this work that I’m talking about. If you keep finding yourself, emotionally depleted and wondering why you keep ending up at ground zero- book the session.

if you found yourself thinking, I don’t have time for myself to date be the mother I want and work- book the session.

if you find that you are the opposite, and have all this shit on lock, but want to reach optimal levels, book the session.

I want you all to consider that mental fitness is just as important if not more so than your physical. We don’t tend to our minds and thinking – like they say, if you can change your thinking , you can change your world. that’s what my services are all about. mental fitness.

The power of one hour is mind blowing. It’s only 175$ which is almost half of what it costs to work with me hourly and worth every penny for the experience and gained perspective.

Go to my website now at

While you’re there- sign up for my newsletter, Sunday Mornings Done Modern. each week i send to you my top 5 thangs that i’m pondering, doing, thinking what have you.

I’ve noticed ya’ll love the recipes that i post… that’s cute. be cute and sign up.

okay, i’ve got things to do. you know , priorities are in check. i’ll talk to you next week Renegades.

Enjoy the Show?

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