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Your Legacy of Thinking

Ep #36

Your Legacy of Thinking

Since the pandemic hit, you’ve heard me air my emotional experience in real-time each week on the podcast. I’m glad I did this because I now know I’m not alone in my experience of processing wave after wave of painful, scary emotions, as well as the gratitude for where I am now and the person I’ve become on the other side of it.

It got me thinking this week, if I were to leave a legacy behind of my thinking, what would that look like? And I urge you to contemplate this for yourself too. If you were to look back at the end of your life and see the legacy you left for the world to have, would you be pleased? We spend only 5% of our brains’ capacity thinking consciously, and this is a shared universal problem. So today, my goal is to invite you to take the time to consider the legacy of your thinking and examine your thoughts with intention.

Listen in this week to discover how you can start considering a new operating system for yourself. We all have this work cut out for us as the process of changing the architecture of our brains’ wiring isn’t a fast and easy feat. I’m sharing an exercise you can practice to start watching your thoughts, so you’re can inquire, seek, and get familiar with your essential self and the legacy you want to leave behind.

What You Will Discover:

  • The pre-programming that leads to your brain operating on autopilot.
  • What your brain on autopilot mode looks like.
  • Questions you can ask yourself to watch your thoughts with intention.
  • The objective of draining your thoughts and addressing them consciously.
  • Why it’s time for us to consider a new operating system.
  • What “the urge to merge” means and how it often shows up.
  • How to get to know your essential self.

Resources Mentioned:

Enjoy the Show?

Since the pandemic hit, you've heard me, literally processing my brain on my podcast - I have shared with you each week where I've been emotionally through out it all. Now, some life coaches and praise tiny baby Jesus for this, have been able to maintain a mindset of "I've got you- I will see you through this -and we are going to be great. I've needed those voices of encouragement. Truly. Because, my brain- it's thinking and emotional software does not operate the same way.
I don't think one is more right than the other- I'm just stating for the record, I've been airing my ride in real time. And I'm so glad that I have. I know I'm not alone in a lot of these emotional experiences along the way, you have reached out saying you too have had anger and anxiety. When I delivered an episode on manifestation and feeling good, y'all went crazy. Optimism became a word we all adopted. And the reason I'm brining this up is because I want us to stop for a minute and look back- just take a beat and look how far we have come emotionally in the last 6 months.
I think I speak for a lot of us when I say, WE HAVE EVOLVED RENEGADES. We truly have.
This week I heard someone say they want things to go back to normal- the way they were.

Not me.

My brain and body have finally regulated and reached homeostasis. I've normalized.
My brain is no longer seizing up every 5 minutes. I can breathe. I can work. I've processed wave after wave of emotion - painful messy scary emotions and I'm here. Feeling grateful for the experience and the person I've become. What I've learned about the world and myself, what I'm capable of- is something that I think we can each take time to recognize and give ourselves a high five for.

When you worry about this fall, homeschool your relationships remind yourself, you are prepared. You are flexible. Change, changing is a skill you are mastering.

Whether you see it now or not, you're doing the work.You may be buried in it. But you are making progress.

Unfortunately, our brains aren't designed to see all the good we are doing. To give us props. Compliment our efforts. If you examine your brain and what it has to say about you, you'd likely admit it's an asshole. It only ever lets you know how awful you are, how much cellulite you have, how the job wasn't done well enough, how you shouldn't have said that thing, you drink too much, you could have done more, how this world is rotten, why can't you skip dessert for once, your marriage sucks, why aren't you more like them, make more money on and on and on… It reminds you of all your problems. All the things gone wrong.
The human brain is wired to think disempowering thoughts. The human brain - your brain - is designed to think and show up the same way it always does regardless of what's going on in the world.

I've been thinking about this the way the human brain thinks, the way we show up in the world and I found myself wondering:

If you were to leave behind a legacy and it was of your thinking, what would it look like? At the end of your life, when you look back, if you were to take Into account your thinking, would you be pleased? Impressed? Feel good about it? Want to share it with the world?

This question, or maybe the answer sent me down a rabbit hole this week. What would I need to do to completely change the way I think? To change my reactions, patterns feelings behaviors? The way I interpret and respond to this world?

When I say Rabbit hole picture Alice in wonderland, with out tiny psychedelic nibbles spiraling away, asking questions having conversations wishing she could eat psychedelics to find the answers but instead is consuming a massive amount of content and taking lots of notes. Because the thing is, it takes a pretty traumatic event for you to REALLY change. And by change I mean the architecture of your brain wiring. If you look around, at the world we have been living in, though a total shock to our systems, definitely an awakening for 10's of millions around belief systems- but the core of who people are is still, at the core of who they are.
What I'm saying is, the problems you had before - the way you viewed those probelms- is the same now.

And not to sound totally arrogant, but I can say it because I've done my research and it's facts my friends. Unlike our thinking…
I want you to stay with me to the end Renegades because I'm going to show you how you are in operation body mind memory mode, WHY, how its effecting your decision making- be it with the job, love interest how to get out of it while also giving you some clarity around 'when you know, you know'. Another amazing Renegades Guide to survival babes!

Okay, Lets Party.

First things first; BRAINS.

What we have learned about the human brain is that 90% of the day we are lost in thought, in our subconscious thinking… AND 95% of that thinking is spent mulling over our past re living our stories and or just thinking negatively. You're doing it right now- you are judging yourself for the thinking you have and how embarrassing it would be. How you've never really thought about your thoughts…come back to me.
If we are spending 95% of our day thinking - thinking about the past- thinking negative thoughts then we are not conscious or present in the moment. You are operating on auto pilot… Want to know what's REALLY fucked up about this auto pilot thing?

Your auto pilot- habitual way of being was determined by the time you turned 7. It turns out that our brains are in what is called a Theta state, meaning hypnotic state and it absorbs the people and the environment around to form beliefs and behaviors. There is literally no way around it either. You are your parents and their parents and the way they responded to your family members or their boss or you siblings and to you… that's how you respond.

Think of your brain like an operating system; In the first 7 years of life your brain is in a theta mode- its a hypnotic state - subconsciously- absorbing the environment and people around you.
It started downloading your software; thoughts, ideas feelings - programming who and how you would show up in this world.

Your brain memorized the feelings you commonly experienced, stored them as familiar and ran the software program necessary to continue experiencing them.

Your brain downloaded feelings that came with the thinking and the thoughts you kept thinking became beliefs.
Your body and mind run off the memory of this software. You keep thinking and feeling the same way- showing up in the world- and though the circumstances - people places and things change, your thinking and feelings about those things DON'T CHANGE.

We are creatures, literally, of habit.

Obviously, as you get older, your brain enters consciousness but the software is downloaded and so you are forming your opinions from this pre determined state of mind.

The final lesson I will be teaching you today about your brain is this: Our brains don't want to be conscious and instead efficient- which is why it downloads anything you repeat so it can save energy. That's cool. BUT not really because this means we aren't conscious.
You are in thought 95% of the day. Running your software programs. Cruising along and here's the kick in the dick; 95% of that thinking is spent in the past, re living our stories and negative.

You know what this means? This means we have a shared, universal problem Renegades- no, not the pandemic, but instead, OUR THINKING. Our THINKING IS THE PROBLEM.

Personally I'm really into embracing the struggle together. I was relieved to know that this is just the way brains are. That said, we've got our work cut out for us.
If you think about the way the human brain is programmed it is no wonder we feel at war with ourselves sometimes. I don't mean just the negative thinking and the negative biproduct that offers but in life, you find yourself making decisions and they don't "feeeeel' right to you but you do it anyway. I don't think it's a coincidence that we see such a high rate of divorce, career changes, college drop outs what have you - when I look back on my 20's I was literally doing what I thought I was suppose to do. By the time I was in my early 30's I was twice divorced wondering what was wrong with me and figured out shortly after, I wasn't ready to get married. I didn't even know if I believed in marriage. But the shame from the cognitive dissonance of who I was battling with the my preprogramming combined with poor coping mechanisms from yes, you guessed it pre programming led me down a path of destruction… which is super rad for all of us now that I'm 40 because I can guide all the modern renegades home! Save ya some time and heartache.

Here's your work…

I want you to start watching your thoughts in one area of life. I practiced it with relationships but you can do it with your body, money work… See your thinking. How it makes you feel and behave. The results you continue to get.

I want you to be brutally honest with yourself. Each day drain your brain of all the thoughts. If you can't pick one area just dump out all the thoughts in your brain and then go back a week later- re read. You will see a theme.
Ask yourself where else you show up in life like this?

When did this thinking start? Why do I think this way? Does thinking this way serve me? Can I change it? How? What would I rather think about? What would I need to know to change my thinking?
What's the feeling I get? How long have I felt this way? If I could change the way I felt, would I? To What? What's stopping me from feeling this new feeling?

Believe me when I tell you that addressing a micro topic in your life and thinking will have a macro effect.

The objective of this work is to identify your limited beliefs and programs that are disempowering to you.

Then I want you to ask yourself, am I creating the life I want or the one I was programmed to have? And start CREATING.

This is where things get fun. You see, Our conscious mind is our creative mind. We access it through our pre frontal cortex. The prefrontal cortex is our modern brain that has desires, wishes and the capacity to manifest the life you want. It's the problem solving part of our brain.

Why are we not taking residency up here, Renegades? When I imagine accessing my prefrontal cortex it's always a really posh atmosphere, chic luxurious and cool.

Living in our preconditioned programmed quarters makes you think you can't afford to go there. You're not good enough. They'll know you're a fraud.

LIES. LIES. LIES. It's high time we override this old software program - we might even consider an all new operating system because the software we want to run might be too advanced.

Now that we are waking up you have to know your brain is going to want to default to the OG software. One of the 3 ways to change and update this software - to change your way of thinking- create new neuropathways aka neuroplasicity is REPETITION. You have to repeat new thoughts and behaviors over and over again. You have to practice thinking and believing in a new way… Listening to Theta music or doing hypnosis is another way if you're interested into looking into that.

So now that I've got you all thinking your totally unoriginal wondering if you've ever made a decisions for yourself and questioning your identity I will now inform you on a super fucking cool thing that happens when you're essential self - your inner voice- the you before you were programmed is saying HEY! Go do that. This is for you… These are the decisions you've made that maybe seemed crazy out of know where and similar to driving you had the URGE TO MERGE .

First of all, the name. How could I not share it? 2nd. This is juicy. The Urge to merge is a concept from Marth beck…
She says:
There is a response that the essential self may create when it wants you to move closer to your North Star. It's an intense almost chemical reaction that comes out of nowhere and makes some person place or thing so attractive to you that for a while you can't think about much else. I think of the urge to merge as the physiological opposite of the fight or flight reaction, it creates a whole array of physical conditions that aren't under our conscious control. For example, when you're looking at something you find interesting and appealing, your pupils dilate, as though your eyes are trying to take in more of what you're seeing. Your pulse rate may quicken, but instead of panic you'll feel a flood of euphoria and desire.

I'm sure you already know how your body responds to flat out lust which is one of the strongest manifestations of the URGE TO MERGE.

The urge to merge may indeed be the initial impulse that draws to lovers together, but it isn't the same as a real relationship. It burns bight and very hot, but it doesn't last. It will pull you towards someone who can help you get on your true path, then disappear leaving you to do the much less intoxicating work of long-term human interaction. It may also be directed at people you've barely met, who would be totally unsuitable as romantic partners.
This isn't just romantic lusty chemical romance feelings drawing you to potential people of interest.
The urge to merge can happen when you meet someone who maybe has a job that you find fascinating or have had long hidden desires to pursue. You feel me? It could be you suddenly obsessed with a new hobby- or activity. It's your essential self saying HEY. THIS. THIS SPEAKS TO ME. MORE PLEASE.

Finally she says, you're more likely to experience these sensations when you're at a changing point. Crisis, loss transformation, and growth.

Can you say Pandemic 2020 These things weaken the grip of the social self and demand some quick decision making for your essential self. The urge to merge is your essential self calling you home.

Okay, so that all sounds amazing right? Like, give me a booster shot of that so I can find my way home Renegades! This chemical response- the urge to merge is waking you up! It's bringing you into consciousness and out of your subconscious slumber.

But let us pause for a brief moment, shall we?

How do we know if we are experiencing the URGE TO MERGE or our brain + body operating from memory. It's sleeping walking state of operation.

When I was telling my friend about the Urge to merge and how it can be a man crush so to speak - you see someone with a job or life you want and you light up he said to me- did I ever tell you how I ended up becoming a pilot?

He told me this story, of when he was 10 maybe 11 riding his bike out by a field when he saw a small plane land. He was intrigued and wanted to see the plane so he rode over. When he got there he saw a blanket with a man and a woman ( a beautiful woman I might add) having a picnic - the woman saw him and got up. She started talking to him and then the man came up - the pilot and my friend asked if they would take him up and fly him around. The man at first was hesitant but the woman talked him into it. It was a 2 seater. My friend was sitting on her lap and the man flying the plane did all sorts of tricks - flying high diving low- can you imagine?
My friend was losing his mind. Afterwards the pilot asked him if he was serious about wanting to fly planes and he said yes sir…. That man got his number and called him the following weekend. Took him, as they say under his wing. Signed him up for flying clubs, took him along with him to fly what have you.

To get to know your essential self, spend some time exploring times you've experienced moments of complete passion- a desire to pursuit a hobby, a relationship or goal; what qualities about your personality stand out? What characteristics? In what ways did you think differently? How did it feel? What were your energy levels? And what did you do? How were you unstoppable? Get familiar and intimate with you when you had the URGE TO MERGE.

There is no mistaken that passion, Renegades. When you experience it. You know it. Joe Dispenza says When you are living in survival you are trying to control or force an outcome- that's what the ego does. When living in the elevated emotion of creation you feel so lifted, you would never try to you analyze how or when a chosen destiny would arrive. You trust it would happen because you have already experienced it in mind and body thought and feeling. You know that it will. Because you feel connected to something greater.

When you are conscious and present in the now, not lost in thought your experience of the world around you IS different.

All you have to do is Inquire. Seek. And Reveal.

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