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Desire? Who has time for that?

Do you ever notice in life there seem to be themes to the people you are talking to and the conversations you are having? Like the universe is trying to get your attention by placing all the right people in the right place, asking you the same question in various forms causing you to pause, because you know it’s not a coincidence? I’m a believer that we attract what we want and if you put it out there, you will find yourself getting it or being faced to figure it out. 

Which is why it comes as no surprise to me that recently i’ve attracted a similar conversation with like minded women and they are all asking me the same thing:

What is it that you want Ashley? 

What do you desire

What do I desire?

First, let me say that when I hear the word desire my mind doesn’t think goals, but instead heads in the direction of a more intimate way of thinking… 

Am I the only one? 

Regardless, I looked up the definition.


Noun: a strong feeling of wanting to have something or wishing for something to happen.

Verb: strongly wish for or want (something)

Turns out by definition ‘desire’ does lend itself to goals, but I still interpret desire to be more intimate and personal. What you desire are the goals that are for you aside from your children or husband, work or school. These are the needs and wants for you to feel whole or safe or sexy or satisfied. (not necessarily sexually, but a hell yes if that is your desire!) 

I have this desire to create a home environment that feels nurturing, relaxed and safe. To satisfy this goal, I try to cook at home, keep fresh flowers, have pets (this one actually stresses me out more than not, but what can I say, they are killing me with cuteness.) and a housekeeper on a regular schedule. This is one, very small example of something that I have a desire for. I think the reason I satisfy this desire is in part due to the fact that I want my children to benefit from it. 

The more I think about what else I desire, the more I realize I put the needs of everyone else in front of me. I’m so busy managing the lives and emotions of those in my life before my own, that I don’t take the time to get to the real desires that I have. When the question was raised, each time by a different voice, I found myself stumped. What do I desire? Aside from everyone and anything else, what do I want for me? I can admit a sense of panic is there, because like I said, you attract what you want and If you don’t know what you want, how will you get it?  

Through talking with my good friend and intimacy expert, Colette Davenport , she had me realize the significance of desire. She says, “We all know self-care is hot topic right now. But how far are women going with KNOWING themselves? What are our deepest desires? If we don’t know, at a soul-level, what we want and need, we (and our partners) can’t honor and care for those desires.” Colette believes the first step in being fully satisfied as a woman is knowing what you desire. She says knowing this gives us the courage to trust ourselves and be confident. Courage, trust, and confidence? That sounds like a pretty sexy trifecta.  

Which is WHY I am so excited to announce our upcoming sexy self-love workshop series we will be hosting at Teddies for Bettys, “A Woman’s Worth”. Personally, I know if I don’t schedule the time to focus on myself and my needs, I’ll never get around to it. I will busy myself with work and kids until I fall on my face and as satisfying as that sounds, I know I want more. I know you feel me. Schedule time for yourself with us as we dive into our desire… and champagne… and snacks. Because, that too sounds like a pretty sext trifecta 😉 

For more information on our event with Colette Davenport, click here.