There has been a trending word amongst my clients this week:
Mistake.
“I made a mistake when I had an affair.”
“Even though this child was a mistake, I love them so much.”
“It was a mistake thinking he was the one.”
Followed by an emotional story filled with pain.
What if there were no mistakes?
What if everything happened exactly the way it was suppose to?
What if it was always meant to happen this way?
Byron Katie teaches this along with the ‘when you argue with reality you only lose 110% of the time’.
We can’t go back, we know this logically, and yet we spend a massive amount of energy and emotion spinning out – going over the details- the play by play – looking for what we could have or should have done differently.
In essence, we continue to not only relive the pain,
but compound it with shame.
What if you believed for just one minute, there were no mistakes?
That it was always meant to happen this way?
How might your experience be different?
Is there something you might learn?
Is there relief in acceptance?
If you removed your opinion and thoughts about your story and only considered the facts, might it charge a little less? Might you see it a different way?
My affair was one of the most colorful stories I had. Painted with the how and the when and who and where.
Broad strokes of drama colored the pages and flooded me with buckets of emotions each time I spoke or wrote about it.
When I break the story down by its facts…
I was married
He was married
We slept together
Our spouses found out
People said words
It sounds worlds less interesting and compelling. I can assure you the other story, painted with adverbs adjectives and nouns is a real nail biter.
Begs the question; do we enjoy the drama the story has to offer? The shame spiral and judgment it puts us through? Are we conditioned to feel bad?
Yes. Yes is the answer.
Can we shift our perspectives? Still be accountable for our experiences and simlutaneously have acceptance?
Yes. Yes is the answer.
Start now.
Choose to think:
It was always meant t happen this way.
Everything you’ve done up until this moment- you were meant to.
Your brain will want to argue. (that is its main job) Rather than letting it win ask:
Do you know how?
Because you did.
